I had an interesting conversation with an old work friend of mine, one of the few that gets it, so we often talk about social dynamics and biomechanics while giving examples from our everyday lives. One day she told me she hates when guys refer to a woman as their “Boss,” and i couldn’t help but laugh because she was right, and because i’d made that exact mistake myself years ago. The funny part is that what sounds playful at first often ends up revealing a bigger leadership problem underneath.

Back in my youth, i used to call a girl i was dating the “Boss,” and things went south pretty quick. At first she took it lightly, almost like a joke, but as time went on she got more and more put off by it until it started turning into arguments loaded with resentment. I thought i was being easygoing, but really i was failing to lead and letting the relationship drift instead of taking the reins. That kind of thing tends to snowball quietly until one day you realize the whole vibe has gone weak

I didn’t understand the phenomenon at the time, because i assumed women wanted control, wanted to lead their own lives, and would appreciate a man who stepped back. Obviously i had more problems than just the nickname, since i was living behind that same weak little mantra every day: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” That kind of habit doesn’t just kill momentum, it quietly teaches the other person that you aren’t steering anything at all.

The lesson from all of this is simple: it never hurts to take charge in a relationship, to lead the way, just don’t stop leading. Calling her “Boss” might sound harmless, but it can signal that you’ve handed over the frame and lost your edge. A woman usually wants a man who can guide the dynamic without apologizing for being a man in the first place. If you’ve got the wheel, you’d better keep holding it, because nobody gets turned on by a guy who keeps asking permission to drive.